Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
