so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
