And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
