i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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