He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
