I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
