I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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