i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
