i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
