I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
false alarm. still invincible.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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