so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
