Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
