I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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