And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
