I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
