i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
