Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Two words: nipple clamps
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