Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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