none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
