I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
