I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
