They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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