Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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