Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
