At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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