Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
