don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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