I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
