Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
