guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
