I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
