watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
