Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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