absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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