I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He did a backflip because drugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
