ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
