Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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