he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
