I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
