Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
