when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
