you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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