u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
