omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
