I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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