Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
