It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
