No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
