Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
