dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
