her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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