Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
