Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
